Our feature tool is this all-encompassing CD-ROM containing every known disease, virus and infection in the known world as of 12/99 (new editions available yearly). Each malady is extensively researched and cross-referenced, allowing the discriminating hypochondriac to determine precisely what disease (or, more likely, diseases) he/she is experiencing. Remember: an easy rule of thumb is to take one Placebonin tablet per disease per every four hours, so you can never be too careful! There might be a disease or three that your doctor is unwilling or unable to tell you about!

By now, everyone is familiar with those handy MedicAlert bracelets. They’re stylish, they’re functional, but until now, they’ve never been enough for the typical hypochondriac. AAlgar Pharmaceuticals is now an official licensee of MedicAlert bracelets, and has hit upon the very reasonable idea of distributing them by the case. Placebonin may be a cure-all, but you can’t cure all unless you know exactly what you have! With these fashionable bracelets, now the whole world can know too!